2009-04-21

10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.


***********


Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.


***********


Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!


***********


Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.


***********


Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.


***********


Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.


***********


Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.


***********


Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.


***********


Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.


***********


Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.


***********


Bonus Commandment ( Story )

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.


The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"It really works!"

SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!

Taken from "10 Commandments of Marriage" by Adil.


Oh, Those Darn Lawyers

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

"Help me find my ball. Look over there," he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces.

"After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?"

"What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!"

"And you're a liar, too!" Jon says. "I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!"

Taken from "Oh, Those Darn Lawyers" by Adil.

Sign up for PayPal and start accepting credit card payments instantly.