Words women use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

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Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

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Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

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Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

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Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

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That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

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Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/02/words-women-use.html by Adil

How to deal with the upcoming events

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... And just when they get close enough to hear,

The Dachshund says........ ......... .....

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

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Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them!!

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-to-deal-with-upcoming-events.html by Adil

It all depends on our attitude

Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.

She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor's bills and hospital expenses.

De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.

The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She's a phony. She has no sick baby. She's not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."

"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.

"That's right," said the official.

"That's the best good news I've heard all week." De Vincenzo said.

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Good news or bad news? It depends on how you see things. You can be bitter after cheated. Or you can choose to move on with your life.......

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/02/it-all-depends-on-our-attitude.html by Adil

Getting Divorced

Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.

"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.

"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love."

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?"

"Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love."

"But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you."

"I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?"

"Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbor, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!"

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/03/getting-divorced.html by Adil

Understanding Beloved Women

Justify Full
We don't understand Women : Their "Whatever" "Anything" OR "You Decide"

1 . (Whatever)

Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: All right, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You decide)

Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... For such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/03/understanding-beloved-women.html by Adil

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to Ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she Would go to Italy to secretly have the child..

If she stayed in Italy To raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child Turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And Write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'You received a very strange postcard today,' she said.

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he replied. The Wife obeyed.

And watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce....

Taken from  http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/04/spaghetti.html by Adil

Touching Story

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat. As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind". Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son. They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child.

Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train". Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes. He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa". Couple couldn't help themselves and ask to old man. Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treated your son.

Old man said," Yes, We were coming from hospital only. Today only my son got the eyes for first time in life".

Moral: "Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

Taken from http://usefulstuff4u.blogspot.com/2010/04/touching-story.html by Adil